Why do people sabotage their own success?

20 Jun

Have you ever noticed how, just when things are going really well, something seems to go wrong? You land that big promotion, only to fall ill shortly after. You start a wonderful new relationship, but old fears and insecurities suddenly resurface. You achieve a significant financial windfall, and then unexpected expenses arise, eating away at your newfound wealth. This frustrating phenomenon is known as the Upper Limit Problem, a term coined by Gay Hendricks in his transformative book, "The Big Leap."

What is the Upper Limit Problem?

The Upper Limit Problem (ULP) is a psychological phenomenon where individuals unconsciously self-sabotage when they surpass a certain threshold of happiness, success, or love. It's as if our subconscious has a thermostat setting for how much happiness or success we believe we deserve, and when we exceed that setting, it triggers behaviours to bring us back down to what feels comfortable and familiar.

Hendricks explains that this self-sabotage stems from deep-seated fears and limiting beliefs, often formed in childhood. These can include fears of outshining others, feeling fundamentally flawed, or doubting one's worthiness of success. The Upper Limit Problem manifests in various forms such as procrastination, illness, arguments, or accidents, effectively pulling us back to our 'safe' zone of mediocrity.

Why do we self-sabotage?

Fear of failure: Success brings higher expectations and greater responsibility. The fear of failing to meet these new expectations can cause us to sabotage our progress to avoid potential disappointment.
Fear of success: Paradoxically, the prospect of success can be just as intimidating as the fear of failure. Achieving our goals can disrupt our identity and force us to confront changes we're not prepared for.
Limiting beliefs: Deeply ingrained beliefs about our worthiness can lead us to feel undeserving of success. These beliefs often stem from childhood experiences and societal conditioning.
Comfort zone: Human beings are creatures of habit, and stepping outside our comfort zone can trigger anxiety. The Upper Limit Problem acts as a mechanism to keep us within familiar territory, even if it means sacrificing growth and happiness.

Recognising the signs

Awareness is the first step in overcoming the Upper Limit Problem. Common signs include:

Procrastination: Delaying important tasks despite knowing they will lead to success.
Conflict: Instigating or getting involved in unnecessary conflicts, especially during times of growth.
Health Issues: Sudden illnesses or injuries that conveniently prevent you from moving forward.
Financial Setbacks: Unexpected expenses or poor financial decisions that erode your wealth.

Overcoming the ‘Upper Limit Problem’

Identify your upper limit behaviours: Reflect on past instances where success was followed by a downturn. Identify patterns and triggers that lead to self-sabotage.
Cultivate self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and recognise that growth involves discomfort. Accepting that it’s okay to feel uneasy can reduce the need to sabotage your progress.
Set incremental goals: Gradually expand your comfort zone by setting small, achievable goals. Celebrate each success to build confidence and raise your internal thermostat.
Embrace positive affirmations: Counteract limiting beliefs with affirmations that reinforce your worthiness of success. Statements like “I deserve to be successful” or “I am capable of handling success” can reprogram your subconscious mind. However, listen to the small voices that may creep in, the negative ones saying things like - “No you’re not”, and “Who do you think you are?”. These are our limiting beliefs coming in to hijack us and knock us off course.

Go deeper to clear the subconscious with EFT

Identify the limiting belief: The first step in using EFT to overcome ULP is to identify the limiting beliefs and fears that are triggering the self-sabotage. This might involve exploring past experiences and uncovering deep-seated emotional blocks.
Setup statement: Create a setup statement that acknowledges the problem while expressing self-acceptance. For example, "Even though I feel unworthy of this success, I deeply and completely accept myself."
Tapping sequence: Tap on the specific meridian points (such as the side of the hand, top of the head, eyebrows, side of the eyes, under the eyes, under the nose, chin, collarbone, and under the arm) while repeating the setup statement and other affirmations.
Reassess: After a few rounds of tapping, reassess the intensity of the limiting belief or fear. Often, clients report a significant reduction in emotional distress and a shift in their perception of the problem.

Benefits of EFT in Addressing ULP

Releases emotional blocks: EFT helps to release emotional blocks that prevent individuals from enjoying their success and happiness fully.
Builds self-acceptance: By fostering self-acceptance, EFT enables individuals to feel worthy of their achievements.
Enhances resilience: Regular EFT practice can enhance emotional resilience, reducing the likelihood of future self-sabotage.